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Horror Hosts in Putrid Print: Norma

Spotlight On: Norma

Comic Book Creeps

1655893_716261401756367_6698777531856122716_nWhenever I get into a conversation with someone about female villains, especially female horror villains, they’re always surprised when I say that one of my all time favorites is Norma, The Trailer Park Queen.

 

Sadly, that’s because a lot of people, even hardcore fans of the genre, have never heard of the indie comic book, Trailer Park of Terror, published by Imperium Comics, or the low budget movie of the same name that it inspired back in 2008.

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So it’s no wonder that almost nobody has heard about the sassy, chain-smoking, white trash horror hostess that is at the center of both iterations.

Allow me to remedy that.

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I could go on and on about the movie, which, to spite it’s low budget (or maybe because of it) has some awesome looking practical monster makeup and gore effects in an age when stuff like that has more or less become a thing of the past, but I’m not the movie guy here, I’m the comic book guy, and so I will try to stick to mostly talking about the character that the comic and movie both have in common: Norma.

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Norma (no last name ever given) in the comics is something of a mystery, as is the titular trailer park she lives in. She appears to be a woman in her mid to late forties who looks like Peggy Bundy’s older sister only a little rougher around the edges.

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tumblr_o9wdearB2y1rfnp17o1_540I say “appears to be a woman”, because, much like the other residents of the trailer park, Norma isn’t quite human. She has a unique quirk that she shares with the likes of Dr. Phibes and the Djinn from Wishmaster in that she can put on and remove her face like a Halloween mask. Most women hate being caught without their face on, and Norma is no exception, so you don’t get a look at her more monstrous form very often.

Beyond that, though, she’s perfectly normal. She does the kind of stuff we all do: hang out with aliens, zombies, and serial killers, duck stalkers, baby sit the anti-Christ, etc. She also tells tales of terror and misfortune the likes of which would make the GhouLunatics sit up and take notice.

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As a matter of fact, one of them did. The Crypt-Keeper (looking like his HBO incarnation) actually appeared in the trailer park more than once obsessed with destroying/becoming/dating Norma. Much to her annoyance.

The creators of the comic clearly have a love of EC Comics and the MAD sense of maniacal humor they brought to horror, because Trailer Park of Terror has the exact same self aware, self referential  attitude that Bill Gaines pioneered way back when. Norma and her cronies at the park reference horror movies new and old, current (at the time) pop culture icons like Anna Nicole Smith and Dr. Phil, as well as their own creators and real world limitations related to the comic they’re in, like the fact that the first three issues were printed in black and white and then went to color, starting the numbering system back at one.

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tumblr_nsb52s7XC81tg4pv6o1_540In the movie, directed by Steven Goldmann, who sadly passed away of cancer recently, Norma is played by Nicole Hiltz, although you’d be forgiven for thinking it’s Jamie Presley the first time you see her performance, because Mrs. Hiltz is totally channeling Joy Turner from My Name Is Earl in her portrayal of the trailer park queen. And it’s absolutely perfect for the character, who is a much younger (looking), but equally brassy Norma than her comic book counterpart.

 

Unfortunately, Imperium Comics seems to be defunct these days as its website only lists Trailer Park and one other title, Pierce, as having been published by them and the last issue of either comic was back around the time the TPoT movie came out. The only contact info on the website is an outdated yahoo email address. Back issues of the comic are not necessarily hard to find. Ebay and Amazon always seem to have a few issues available that go for anything from five bucks to twenty in some cases, so if you’d like to read an issue, I’m sure you can one way or another. Just don’t try ordering the comics from the website. I did and I waited about a month before I realized I wouldn’t be getting any kind of reply or what I ordered and so had to cancel the payment which was never even processed.

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The movie is much easier to find as you can pick up a copy of the DVD pretty much anywhere you buy movies relatively cheap. It gives Norma and the trailer park an origin that the comic lacks and I really dig it a lot. I won’t spoil it here. You just have to go watch the movie, which keeps the EC-esque tone of blending blood, guts, and laughs with a lot of self aware references to it’s funny book origins.

No matter how you choose to expose yourself to Norma (and believe me she’s down for whatever) you are bound to have a good time and will soon be joining me in lauding this funny and frightening female who belongs in the annals of horror hostery alongside the likes of Vampirella and The Old Witch.

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Psycho De Mayo! Celebrate Your Independence with CREATURE FEATURES on OSI 74!


CREATURE FEATURES traditionally refers a proud history of Horror and Science Fiction movies formatted for broadcast TV on local stations throughout the 1960s, 1970s and 1980s.

Among the notable versions are:

WNEW 5 in New York

WKBG 56 in Boston–sometimes as
Creature Double Feature

WKBD 50 in Detroit

WSJV 28 in South Bend, Indiana–also, Creature Double Feature

WUTV 29 in Buffalo

WKBS 48 in Philadelphia as
Creature Double Feature.

WGN 9 and WFLD 32 in Chicago

KBSI 23 in Missouri with hostess
Misty Brew

WTOG 44 in Tampa with
Dr. Paul Bearer

WCIX 6 in Miami

WQAD 8 in Quad Cities with host Chuck Acri

KSHB 41 in Kansas City with hostess Crematia Mortem

KMTV 3 in Omaha hosted by
Dr. San Guinary

WDCA 20 with
Count Gore DeVol

AND

KTVU-Channel 2 in Oakland with Host Bob Wilkins and later John Stanley. Both host interviewed many celebrities from all genres on the show…

For our
CREATURE FEATURES FOREVER celebration we have added a new category to our OSI 74 ROKU channel that we will be adding to all month long–It spotlights all aspects of this grand tradition past present and future .

–And for
CINCO DE MAYO–

We are presenting a rare BOB WILKINS Interview with DUNCAN RENALDO,
star of THE CISCO KID.

Special Thanks to BobWilkins.net for supplying this footage…

 

CREATURE FEATURES FOREVER – HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO from OSI 74 on Vimeo.

TO ALL CREATURE FEATURES FANS: A letter from John Stanley

**Update: As of April 16th “Creature Features” with host Al Omega was discontinued on KOFY TV and subsequently replaced with Vincent Van Dahl’s sanctioned “Creature Features” show.

“TO ALL CREATURE FEATURES FANS:

I have been very disturbed by what is happening on KOFY’s
new Saturday midnight series, “CREATURE FEATURES.” **

Its host Jim Currie, who uses the name Al Omega to
describe the TV horror host character he is portraying, is
reportedly trying to trademark the title “CREATURE
FEATURES,” which has been a generic title in use since the
era of the horror host dating back to the 1960s and 1970s.
(It was also the name of a board game that dates back to
1975.) This is extremely disturbing, given that, for one
thing, “CREATURE FEATURES” was the title of Bob Wilkins’
long-running series on Channel 2 in Oakland, CA.

Bob enjoyed eight successful years in the ratings,
building a huge audience that today still fondly remembers
him and his humorous and warm style of introducing horror,
fantasy and science-fiction movies. Bob was usually seated
in a yellow rocking chair, clutching a cigar in one hand.
Next to him was a small table atop which rested a human
skull with a candle inserted into the top. Behind him, on
the wall, was a sign reading “WATCH HORROR FILMS, KEEP
AMERICA STRONG!”

When Bob decided to retire in 1978, I was chosen as his
replacement and continued the series for an additional six
years. Thus did “CREATURE FEATURES” enjoy continued
success for a 14-year period, making it one of the
longest-running shows in the San Francisco Bay Area TV
market.

Bob was a close and personal friend, and to see “Al Omega”
using Bob’s visuals, slogan and format as part of his own
show does not set well with me. Especially since Currie
never even bothered to ask for permission to use these
identifiable objects entirely related to Bob Wilkins. What
gives him the right to use them without at least asking
for permission? It also disturbs me that he addresses the
skull on his mediocre set as “Bob.”

Tom Wyrsch, producer of the 2008 Bob Wilkins documentary
“WATCH HORROR FILMS, KEEP AMERICA STRONG!” and the
individual responsible for bringing Bob and myself back in
2000 to make personal appearances at special shows and
conventions, first notified me about Currie’s attempts to
trademark the title.

Tom also informed me that Mr. Currie sent a
cease-and-desist letter to the management of Silicon
Valley Comic Com demanding that they remove Vincent Van
Dahl from the guest slot at their upcoming convention.
Vincent is the host of Northbay TV’s variant of Creature
Features, a show on which both Tom and I have been guests.
The producers of that program requested (and received)
both mine and Tom’s endorsement to do an alternate version
of the show before they ever began any filming, unlike Mr.
Currie who simply decided to blatantly abscond with all of
the elements that made the Bay Area Creature Features
unique and to call it his own. Northbay TV told us that
Currie even went so far as to send a similar letter to
both YouTube and Vimeo in an effort to close down their
online channels.

This is demeaning behavior that utterly sickens me.

Tom described it well when he wrote me: “Currie is
attempting to use squatting rights to claim he somehow
owns the show’s title. He has applied for trademarks for
both the ‘CREATURE FEATURES’ title and for Bob’s
much-remembered slogan ‘Watch Horror Films – Keep America
Strong.’ As you know, there have been many horror host
programs titled ‘CREATURE FEATURES’ for the past fifty
years. And as far as we know, no one has ever tried to
monopolize the title in all of that time nor in the manner
that Mr. Currie is attempting. The Creature Features
community has always practiced a civil camaraderie. Mr.
Currie’s efforts to gain dominance over the name will no
doubt have a chilling effect on this community. But even
more concerning is that he also applied for a trademark
for ‘Watch Horror Films, Keep America Strong!’, Bob
Wilkins’ signature catchphrase and slogan which he coined
in 1966 and used his entire career. If approved, it would
be, in my opinion, outright theft.”

Tom Wyrsch also informed me that the Wilkins family is not
pleased with this situation. Tom spoke with Bob’s wife
Sally Wilkins recently and she told him she is quite
saddened that somebody would be trying to monopolize and
monetize her late husband’s most famous works.

Nor am I, who is still indebted to Bob Wilkins for what he
did to advance my career, pleased about anything Currie
is trying to pull off. If he wants to be a TV horror host
he can do it without stealing outright all those things
which identified Bob Wilkins to his ever-loving audience
of dedicated fans. You fans live on, and I hope you too
will rise up in protest against this outright thievery.”

– JOHN STANLEY

bob and johnDespite being cancelled from KOFY TV Mr. Currie is still in the process of trademarking the term “Creature Feature” and the phrase “Watch Horror Films — Keep America Strong”.

Street Trash

Cosmic FredBetter Viewing Through Cosmic Cognizance By Fred E. Frederick
(a.k.a. Cosmic Charlie)

After a weekend spent in beautiful Crystal Lake, New Jersey (or Forest Green, as they call it now) I thought I’d take a short trip north to the Brooklyn-Queens border region for a bottle of Tenafly Viper, the booze with a bite. Yeah, it might be a little old, and there’s been reports of people melting after drinking it, but the same has been said about New Jersey’s tap water, so I’m not that worried. If you haven’t heard of Tenafly Viper, then you probably haven’t seen Street Trash, and that would mean your life is incomplete and that you should be really careful not to die until you can take a trip to your local movie store and purchase it from a clerk in a dying industry.streettrash0

“‘Eraserhead‘ meets ‘Night of the Living Dead‘ on the set of ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre‘” was the sentence that got me to see this movie back in the day. It stands as the king of the small genre of “Melt Movies” that came around in the late 80s, though comparing it to those other movies is a bit much. It’s a movie with no budget for actors or a script that isn’t written by the producer, but then they get it all right with the effect, set design, and the camera work. Seriously, this movie is very confusing in how you’re Street Trash Meltdown Edition 7watching some people who have never acted in their lives, trudge their way through dialogue written by a drunk with tourettes syndrome, but meanwhile the make-up effects and cinematography is by far some of the best you will ever see in a horror flick. Written and produced (told you) by Roy Frumkes, who also gets a cameo as a gross face melting guy, to be the ultimate offensive and tasteless movie of all time. While I don’t think he surpassed anything by John Waters (ok, maybe it’s more offensive than Hairspray) he certainly created a script that covered lots of offensive material, to the delight of subversives such as myself, and probably you if you’re reading this right now.
streettrash5 The film follows Freddy (hey, that’s my name) and his exploits as a homeless drunk on the streets of New York, with his brother Kevin and their friend Burt. Facing off against an obese junkyard owner (legendary R.L. Ryan), a street-smart tough guy cop, a Jersey Boy type gangster, and Bronson, the Vietnam vet who is in control of the Flatbush Foot Brigade, a gang of bums who live in the same junkyard that Freddy and his brother stay in, and are busy either ‘cleaning’ windshields, drinking foul liquor, or playing ‘toss the dick’, which is a scene you should not let your toddler watch alone.
That foul liquor I mention is a 60 year old concoction that a cheap liquor store owner foundviper in his basement, in a crate, in a crawlspace, in a wall. Not really something you should put on the shelf, but hey, it was New York, it was the 80s, so safety regulations be damned, there’s profit to be made! Kinda like Do the Right Thing, there is no hero in this movie, and it’s full of people who do not do the right thing. I can’t imagine everyone being able to get into this one, what with so much negativity throughout and things like rape and murder being treated like goofy mishaps. Actually, there are technically two heroes in this one. There’s Kevin, the young boy who has a relationship with the junkyard secretary (yeah, this movie has a lot going on, it’s like a soap opera with more melting) street-trash-10who doesn’t really do much, other than try to avoid dying. But then there’s James Lorinz,  the doorman who shines in this movie as an extra who made the right ad-lib at the right time and got himself a legit role in the film. The guy is a natural and while he’s only made small appearances in movies like this and Robocop 3, you really gotta check him out in the “oh-my-god-why-haven’t-i-reviewed-that-yet?” film, FrankenHooker.
What this movie is really about is the melts. It’s like some psychedelic dream mixed with spin art mixed with that huge wax candle in the SURF shop on the boardwalk in Ocean City NJ that’s been growing for the last 20 or more years. The melt scenes are so good street-trash-shit-is-meltingthat they just make you pissed at the rest of the movie for not being exploding and melting people. Don’t worry, it’s not a small number by any means, and every melt is different and creative in it’s own right. While there are a few murders and epic fights leading to kills, the real villain of this movie gets to be an emotionless bottle of toxic ooze that, when consumed, leads to a somewhat violent ending. No, it’s not quite like drinking shots of drain-o (which I’m a total pro at) it’s more like drinking buckets of pain that gets into your bloodstream and then makes your body into a giant Gak candle. It’s a million times better than your standard blood and gore fest and 50 shades of red, and it almost makes it watchable while eating.

Ivan Ooze returns!

Ivan Ooze returns!

I could watch this movie on repeat for quite a while. I actually have, when I’ve either been too lazy to put something else on, or where I was working on something else and having this on in the background didn’t hurt for inspiration. I would kill to get a complete, 4 hour version of this, made from all the weird little side stories they cut, because this is like the film equivalent of a grateful dead song. They took this 3 minute long single, and turned it into a 30 minutes jam that just goes places and does whatever it feels like. Man I love this movie. The art in it really reminds me of the art for the brand new Ghostbusters pinball machine from Stern. Look at that slime.Ghostbusters-Limited-Edition-pinball-machine-flyer-stitched

Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter

Cosmic FredBetter Viewing Through Cosmic Cognizance By Fred E. Frederick
(a.k.a. Cosmic Charlie)

Happy Friday the 13th everybody! A day made famous by superstition, fear, and jealousy. Ok, not really jealousy, but Christopher Lee demanded I finish the quote. So whether you celebrate by crying in a corner and worrying about your lack of luck for the day, or if you’re just going to drink white wine and eat shrimp all day, I raise my glass to you, person who cares about an arbitrary date that affects nothing. Well, isn’t that all of us? Actually, there’s a thing here in Philly where you can get a specially designed tattoo for Friday the 13th. At least there used to be. That was 6 years ago I heard about that, but I guess getting a tattoo would be something people want to do on a day like this, so it would make sense to offer some special deal to those ink favoring friends. For me, it’s going to a be a movie night involving the exploits of a man in a mask and a jumpsuit who kills horny teenagers for fun, and isn’t the son of Norman Bates‘s first victim, or a huge Star Trek fan. Actually, I’ll more likely be watching Mocking Jay Parts 1 and 2 tonight, since I rented both of them two nights ago and really need to return them soon.friday-4-posterIf you’re going to watch a Friday the 13th film though, you could do much worse than The Final Chapter. That’s right kids, here it is, the end-all story finalé edition of Jason movies. This 1984 film put a nail in the coffin of the series and Jason Vorheez was never seen again.
BWAHAHAHAAAAHAHAArHAHHaahahhahahhhhAHAHHAsHhahahhhhaHHahgHA
Ok, so they were a little premature in the titling of what is the 4th in a 12 film franchise, but much like how Spinal Tap probably inspired more bands than they made fun of, the Friday franchise just intensified it’s insanity as it went on, along with the genre of slasher flicks that had exploded onto the market, which Jason was arguably the masked face of at the time. So this was understood and the morality of the producers and writers actually prevailed against the idea of continuing this horrible smudge on Paramounts Studio’s record and decided to end it all, with one glorious goodbye film that, along with Part 3, is one of the classic Jason movies, what with Parts 1 and 2, not having the hockey mask, and Part 5 being a totally disgusting piece of crap that you will never, EVER, NOOVER, NOTVER, see me review on this site, so help me Satan. So these two flicks get to be definitive in a mess of good and bad on either side. Did that make sense?
Tom_SaviniOk, now to the meat of the deal. Not only do you get everything I just said, but this movie also comes with a free toaster!!! No. Actually, this film has 3 things that are much better than that. Tom Savini is back from the first movie to bring more creative deaths to actual celebrities who happen to wander into these films. Well, Kevin Bacon is the only A list guy in ’em, from the first movie, but I’m a bigger fan of Crispin Glover and Corey Feldman anyway, and this is right before both of them both of them were big names. Er, well, let’s say they were names that some people knew, like me. If you aren’t me, then maybe learn to click and read, silly face. Isn’t the Feldman legacy enough to get you excited enough to read more?

Crispin is not amused

Crispin is not amused

Oh man though, Crispin is great. I didn’t realize it was him the first time I saw this, but you immediately recognize him as a huge weirdo who makes some weird acting choices. His dance in this makes David Bowie dancing with puppets look like the Elaine(sweet fancy moses). Was that an insult or a compliment? I have no idea. friday-the-13th-5-things-to-expect-in-the-new-reboot-518483Corey gets to be the hero AND shave his head, so, win win for him. I’m hoping I’m not ruining anything for you here, because I’m not, but Jason gets killed in this one (Final, get it?) and everyone knows that when a kid kills a killer, it turns them into one too. Right? His character gets to live on through the next 2 movies, and for some reason, everyone acts like this kid turned hero is gonna go nuts and start killing people, just like the guy he killed. Hasn’t that happened so many times? I know if I ever came across a kid who lived through a horrible experience and had to kill some serial murderer, I would act like he was a menace who can’t be trusted. I tell ya man, the fuzz be hammering down on non-violent drug offenders and little kids who hit mentally impaired murderous goalies in their heads with machetes.

Ouch?

Ouch?

So, again, I don’t bother with plots or character’s names in Friday reviews, because, they’re totally irrelevant to the movie itself anyways. All you need to know is that this is one of the good ones (not that it ever tries to stop the bad ones, so, can you really say it’s one of the good ones when it’s brethren are so bad? I’ll leave that discussion to the BlackLivesMatter protestors) and it’s ending leads directly into the story of the next movie, Jason Lives. “but Fred, Jason Lives is Part 6 and that would mean you’re skipping Part 5” YEAH, THAT WOULD MEAN THAT, WOULDN’T IT!?!??! Oh man I hate Part 5.

But I looooooove Corey <3

But I looooooove Corey <3

Friday the 13th Part 3

Cosmic FredBetter Viewing Through Cosmic Cognizance By Fred E. Frederick
(a.k.a. Cosmic Charlie)

Happy Monday the 9th everybody! Right now, in some distant New Jersey shack, a machete is being sharpened, and I don’t mean that Danny Trejo is filing his nails. I mean that the boy wonder himself (he came back from the dead and can teleport, what can Robin do?! Nothing!!!) Jason Vorheez is currently probably as giddy as a kid in a candy store on christmas who is also Jesus, so, ya know, BirthdayChristmas! Actually I heard that sucks because then you only get, like, a quarter or a half more presents. Wouldn’t it be cool if your birthday was a different day each year? Like how Friday The 13th can fall in any month, and sometimes we get two! You know what? I think I’m gonna start celebrating Friday the 13th as my birthday from now on. Why not? Who’s gonna stop me?  You? Ha! Maybe this guy though…

Friday-the-13th-Part-3

Psycho much?

Welcome to Friday the 13th Part 3, which is kinda the real first ‘true’ Friday movie. If you’d like to read my review of Part 2, just search for it up top. If you want to read my review of Part 1, too bad buddy because it doesn’t exist yet because I don’t play by the rules, cause I’m a loner Dottie, a rebel. Plus, I’m just not into the first movie that much.

Tommy Chong replicant

Tommy Chong replicant

Frankly, I’ve only seen the second one just a handful of times. Now, Part 3, on the other hand, is the Friday I pull out on most occasions that call for a Friday film. It’s the first one with the hockey mask and it’s the first one with ridiculous stereotype characters, like the stoners, the jock, the biker gang, and, of course, who could ever forget, the goofy fat nerd who can’t catch a break, Shelly.

Proto Seth Rogen

Proto Seth Rogen

There is probably only one character in the Friday series that I will mention by name that isn’t played by an actor of note, and Shelly earns that by being possibly the greatest horror movie character of all time, with his prankster antics and soured self-esteem, he speaks to the lowly nerd in all of us, AND he just happens to be the person who supplies Jason with his trademark hockey mask. So, yeah, great character, and is responsible for one of the greatest horror mask icons in history. So in his honor, I will now sing this South Park classic.

my love is creeping Shelly out

my love is creeping Shelly out

You made me come out of my shell, Shelly
You give me strength when there was only fear
I ate at Burger King today, Shelly
And stood up to a boy who called me queer
When you pushed me off the diving board, I fell
And you make the world a nicer place, Shelly
So I can come out of my shell

Wow. That was emotional. Ok, so do you understand how awesome Shelly is yet? I certainly hope so. Okay, so let’s go over the list here. This movie has stereotype character, which is awesome and hilarious. It’s got the first time Jason wears the hockey mask. It’s got Shelly. AND, in the tradition of of the film having a 3 in the title, this movie was in, 3-D!

This is Jason normal.

This is your Jason.

This is Jason on drugs.

This is your Jason on drugs.

Which is just great for all those stupid shots where they’re just trying to make use of the camera. Really, the camp value of this film is off the charts, because these films are just beautiful excuses for cheap gimmicks. Did you know (I’m talking to all the nerds who know this movie in-and-out by now and are just reading this review while nodding their heads, but all others, please, continue reading) that the opening of the film, which features decapitated Jason Mommy on a table in a zoom in shot, was going to have her open her eyes at the last second? Really, everybody go watch so you can see what I’m talking about, because it’s pretty hilarious, and you can tell that this zoom in shot stops right before this severed head was supposed to open it’s eyes, but instead, a big 3 and a D comes out of her closed freeze framed eyes. Apparently audiences laughed too hard at the opening eyes from a rotting head, and someone was like “Fix that Now!”

Hairspray and candles don't mix

Hairspray and candles don’t mix

So if you noticed, I haven’t touched on the plot of this film at all. Am I trying not to spoil anything for you? No. You already know the entire plot of this movie, so don’t be a smart aleck, and stop asking the wrong questions. The question you should be asking, is “Hey, so I noticed that whenever I see Jason in popular culture, his mask has this huge cut in, on the top left side, so what’s with that?”

Those gloves though

Those gloves though

Well how observant of you. That would be because in this movie, towards the end, he gets an axe to the head, which, obviously, barley affects him at all. I love it though, because for all the wardrobe changes this guy makes from movie to movie, whether it be yellow gloves or a different color jumpsuit, they still always remember to have a mask with the huge gash in it. It also just looks way cooler. And really, that’s the most important part of the ending of this film, because who gives a shit about who survived and what was left of them? It’s more satisfying to see that axe hit his head, and know “yup, that’s gonna leave a mark.” as opposed to every other thing they do to the guy (how many eye gouges has this guy been through?).

Now, I probably said this in my review of Part 2, but the fact that there is no Friday the 13th pinball machine is just criminal. There’s a Freddy one, a Frankenstein one, a few Dracula ones, a Phantom of the Opera one. Ok, so there’s no Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, or Hellraiser pinballs (Phantasm would be great too) either, but I still think it’s unfair. I just played the brand new Ghostbusters pinball machine, which is about 32 years late, but as Cheech says “better late than never.” and it’s fantastic. With The Walking Dead pinball machine also being a fantastic make, my heart burns for a Friday Machine, and something better than this home-brewed online piece of crap.

ew

ew

Happy Friday the 13th Week everybody!

Alien

Cosmic FredBetter Viewing Through Cosmic Cognizance By Fred E. Frederick
(a.k.a. Cosmic Charlie)

Oh, hey folks, Fred here. So, uh, have you ever been abducted by aliens and thought it was really cool until they started putting cellophane on the toilet and fake spiders in your shoes? And then you’re like “ok guys, it was funny at first, but I really thought higher life forms such as yourselves would be beyond this” and then they’re all like “we’re just trying to entertain you, bro, ok? It’s not easy knowing exactly how much we should dumb down for you!” and it became this whole big deal, and so then, this great year long vacation you’ve been on with these totally chill aliens comes to an end because they apparently forgot they’ve gotta help their friend with this thing. Dudes, it was so weak. But whatever, I’m here, it’s earth, it’s 2016, and I just wanna put the past behind me. Ok, so which movie am I reviewing? Oh right… *sigh* Alien.159083960_c9e54eNo no no, I’m not bad mouthing one of the greatest horror movies of all time, but let me tell you something, they got a few things wrong. Nonetheless, I’m here to talk to you about an extraterrestrial and its heartwarming relationship to the humans woriginal-8641-1399975924-3ho discover it. Or, rather, less heartwarming, more heart wrenching, and then heart bursting. Yes, Alien, the film ‘bout a creature that physically resembles an insect, and emotionally resembles a cat. Made in the late 70s boom of sci-fi done right and with respect, this movie is good on practically every level. The acting, the writing, and most of all the art direction. This film also was, for most people, an introduction to visual artist and hero to goths everywhere, H.R. Giger.

When coming up with the design for their titular alien, Dan O’Bannon, screenwriter extraordinaire, introduced director Ridley Scott to the works of H.R. Giger, who Dan had become aware of while working on Alejandro Jodorowsky’s attempt at making a Dune movie, which ultimately fell through. As soon as Scott saw Giger’s work, he immediately knew what the Alien of his film would look like, as well as solving the other design problems of the film. Instead of working from scratch, they had Giger design the alien

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You see what you want to see

to almost exactly resemble one of his already existing paintings, despite the phallic-ness, as well making new art for designing all the visual aspects of the creature’s life cycle and the alien ship itself. It’s Giger’s designs that help define the film and make it stand out among other sci-fi films of it’s time.

Dan O’Bannon also hit a goldmine when he solved the script problem of getting their creature onto the Nostromo spaceship. The facehugger is as beloved a character as the fully formed alien that bursts out of our chests after gestation, after being laid there by said facehugger. From plush toys to freaky fetishes, that little guy has inspired lots of love and fear. But that’s enough of me gushing over the creative genius involved in this film, cause that’s boring. You don’t need me giving your little factoids

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Free Hugs

better left to the Bonus features, you need me telling you how much they changed the facts. That’s right folks, believe it or not, the whole movie is based on a completely true story, and it didn’t happen quite like the way you know it.

Imagine you have your house invaded by a bunch of aliens, who proceed to go into your nursery and disturb your sleeping children? Right? Now let’s say your child, OUT OF SELF DEFENSE, latches themselves onto one of those intruders’ faces? How are you going to blame the person whose house you are in for their children’s defensive actions against some invasive threats such as the elephant man just showing up, without make up, in some nonsensical inward light pointing space helmet? Not to mention Bilbo Baggins, Viper, The Repo Man, and two women with more alien problems between them than Donald Trump Alienhas made up in his head. Humans are ridiculous, as is the notion that Fred is dead and I’m an alien host living in his skin, so don’t even go there! Fact is, those humans got what they deserved, and I was cheering for that Xenomorph the whole time. How are you going to root for the majority, when the obviously oppressed “Alien” (so racist) is obviously the one with the disadvantage here. And then to insinuate that some sack of mostly water is gonna defeat my brother while she’s in her gross cotton human undergarmets? The only good part of this film was the cat, which the alien let live out of professional courtesy. I take back everything good I said about the human Dan O’bannon, for obviously he is a hack trying to cash in on the Xenophobia that has plagued my people, and when I say my people, I mean it in a cultural sense. I am not an alien, but I encourage you and your family to tune into OSI 74 nightly, so that we may better track your positions and monitor your brain waves. I mean, if we were into that sort of thing.

Also, ever wonder what a pinball machine with a cool alien on it would look like? Yeah, you don’t have to. *scoff* Space Invaders? What does that even mean? It’s not like we’re invading space. I mean, they are. I mean, I don’t know who they are, I swear.19926.si2

Lost in Time like a bug in a jar….

No matter where you go… there you are…


Sorry for our absence!
Where have we been? Well… that is a long story.

Sometime Mid-October 2015 the crew here at Horror Host Magazine got beamed to the far reaches of space — a place governed by a coven of underground television producers. We found ourselves at OUTER SPACE INTERNATIONAL, an “off world” production colony and distribution network bringing you unusual, experimental, and entertaining programs from many different creative worlds. 12279120_500182306828566_5555775538097286290_nNow we’re thinking beyond standard television and learning from the great pioneers of UHF, Home Video, and Early Cable that we grew up with. We’re also taking a bit of inspiration from Drive-In theaters, Backyard movies, Community media, Film festivals, Comic books, “Mom-N-Pop” video stores, and The Space Race.

Like it or not, this is the future of Cinema. We want you to be nostalgic about the future again.

11061654_428033147376816_710250624377578443_n“Bigger than TV”

Our channel,4 OSI 74 is streaming content On Demand via the internet. We officially launched at 7:40 PM EST on Friday October 30th 2015— we have original programming and series for you to view now.  Sneak Previews, Trailers, Special Announcements, The Program Guide, and Random Nonsense will run before and after the scheduled content.  Our content can also be viewed in Television households via ROKU streaming devices.

11217543_477487169098080_1965214176332087896_n11263112_429551300558334_3782903653306140721_nWe encourage outside producers to own and control their content as well as making new content collectively for the channel to distribute. Series Producers not only have a home with us to present their content, they are also granted advertising spots in the schedule to promote their projects and monetize their work. We provide support and cross promotion to our producers to build their audience and find people, like you, who want this kind of programming.

“Beyond Horror, besides Sci-Fi, beneath Comedy, and betwixt Mysteries–OSI 74 delivers programs for smart viewers with a taste for the absurd.”1450237_425492024297595_917834852834454820_n

We will have fundraisers for both the channel and the individual producers as well as our own crowd sourcing engine we call TIP JAR that will be promoted on the channel and the website. 100% of what goes in your TIP JAR goes to that producer. We will also support our producers Patreon and Kickstarter campaigns as well as any attempts to be self-sustaining. We will offer “on-demand” videos and downloads of certain shows on our server in exchange for a share of the revenue. OSI also distributes DVDs and other merchandising of certain shows as well as for the network as a whole. This is a bold new venture and and we are making new discoveries everyday. Thank you for taking this journey with us…

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31 Days of Halloween Music Mix Volume 7

This day marks one week of back to back Halloween Music Mixes! Day 7 of Devin Cönnörs’ and Myles Arden’s 31 days of Halloween music project! Today is the seventh of October, so it’s the seventh day of mixes — Killer on the Loose: Escaped From The Ward. To download the mix CLICK HERE and Follow their Tumblr for future mixes and Halloween inspired content!