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Are you obsessed with macabre monsters, machete maidens, and morbid madmen? This is the place for you!  It’s a Horror Geek Lifestyle and we know many people are living it. We are a strange breed, but one of the most tightly knit communities in fandom! ‘Stay Tuned‘ for magazine updates, original art, and articles!

Everybody has to eat shaving cream once in a while

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1985′s The Stuff is right up there with They Live for making a heavy handed metaphor into a whole movie, and doing a damn good job of it, sort of. Confused? You won’t be, after the next episode of… Funky Fred’s Freetime Feline Fur Face Floundering.

More confused? Good. Now I’ve got you right where I want you.

So what do you do when you’re just walking along, and this weird white substance bubbles out of the ground? You taste it, right? And what if that “stuff” tasted really good? Well, immediately, you’d think of selling it to the public. Or, you would if that “Stuff” (please don’t make a drinking game out of this) was somehow changing your brain and making you it’s mindless zombie, obsessed and craving more stuff, more and more because you just can’t get enough of the stuff! (DING!)

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The movie itself has some pretty good characters in it. i wouldn’t say they were solid, but it’s fun watching them, for the most part. My personal favorite, of course has to be Garrett Morris, of original SNL cast fame, playing Chocolate Chip Charlie, an obvious homage (obvious to me, maybe not to you cretins) to Wally Amos, of Famous Amos Cookies. But his character just appears and disappears throughout the story, and it just doesn’t really make sense. The film also suffers from some pretty bad special effects, that, while campy and fun, and decent for their time (I guess, I dunno, probably, given their budget) sometimes took me out of the film. But it comes together in the end, thanks to one of the actors whose face you’ll recognize, but probably not know from where (hint: it’s Goodfellas) Mr. Paul Sorvino. He plays an over-the-top military general character with such precision, I really loved every second of his performance.
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As for the lead actor, playing “Mo” Rutherford, he’s alright, but i never knew what to think of him. He’s the ‘gun-for-hire’ corporate saboteur who ends up learning The Stuff’s plan and leads the revolution against it. But, he acts like a greedy businessman and his shady past is mentioned a lot, blurring his character so you don’t know whether to like him or not. That’s probably what they were going for, but I still lament at a character’s true core being lost in a muddle of devious tricks and then redeemable actions (if you can really call kidnapping a child redeemable). But it doesn’t really matter, because the real star of this movie is “The Stuff” itself. This movie succeeds in its send-up of consumer culture, one of the favorite subject matters of modern horror. The adverts, the jingles, the fashion models, the fake commercial starring Abe Vigoda and the lady from the “Where’s the beef?” ads! It’s such a smarmy experience, as you watch the bright flashy ads and feel the part inside of you that thinks “I wonder what that tastes like?” Cause that’s when they’ve got you. They don’t expect you to run out and buy their product based on an ad, they want you to walk by it in the aisle and think “hmmm, I should try that out, and see if that ad is right about it really whitening my brain like it promises.”.

No, the stuff won’t whiten your teeth, but it does taste delicious. You should definitely try it. C’mon, try some. Don’t be chicken. See, I’m eating it right now.

MmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmaaaaaarrrrgHRGAAAARRGGGHHHLLHFARGLEFUNNGLEFOHACKENSACK!

Do You Want To Party? Happy 3rd of July!

By Fred FrederickROTLD ShirtWM“It was 30 years ago today, Freddy let the zombies play, they were goin’ in an out of style, but they’re guaranteed to make you smile.”
…Or die a gruesome death.


Today was 3rd of July! You all know what that means! No, not hot dog thawing day, you should really do that tomorrow. It was the 30th anniversary of the COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY REAL EVENTS that inspired the classic film, Return of the Living Dead.

So, Return of the Living Dead was released on August 16th of 1985, a year after it was supposed to be released. But that’s not why we’re here. It was 30 years ago today, on July 3rd, 1984, that the events portrayed in the film take place. Because, of course:rotld1…which is a disclaimer I don’t think the Bible even has, so yeah, this thing is more real than the Bible.

notld 2It came about as a sequel to the original Night of the Living Dead because co-writer and co-producer John Russo owned half the rights to the “Living Dead” name, which Romero hadn’t been using in his films anyway (he was just using “Dead”). Russo wrote a script for his version of the movie, which got the film rolling, but was never used at all.tumblr_m80jjuHVck1qzcgluo1_1280Return has so many good points, it really holds its own as a classic in the over-saturated zombie market. It’s riddled with actors who had gotten around in the bloody pictures of the day. I’m not going to give you an essay-style list of facts about who was where, 45649118_127582921912but seriously, pretty much every actor in this thing has memorable performances elsewhere in now-classic horror films, including dudes from Poltergeist,Friday the 13th parts V and IV, Nightmare on Elm Street 2 and then IV, Children of the Corn, Silent Night, Deadly Night. It’s like a film full of character actors in lead roles. And to top it off, it’s written by a gem of a man, Dan O’Bannon, screenwriter extraordinaire (Alien, Total Recall) who makes his directorial debut on this film.
Creating a film that changes the rules of the genre it’s in, one that also includes so much of the culture of the time and makes an attempt at a very modern feel with all the punk music and dark humor, was a risk. It could have failed miserably. Because, and I don’t mean to offend, it’s just that white haired old men sometimes aren’t the best at generating punk-inspired pieces of art, and those who might think they want to, usually go work for MTV. But Dan was already a malcontent and a talented horror writer, able to fill the script and screen with a harsh vision of a zombie world that you are NOT going to survive. To quote Dr. Arnold T. Blumberg “If you ever find yourself in a zombie apocalypse, the key, the thing to look for is if you are in the Return of the Living Dead universe or not. Because if you are, give up, there’s no hope.” This isn’t Heroes Vs Villains; it’s just humans facing death, both literally, and in the form of a walking, talking, brain-loving, rotting human corpse.
return_of_living_dead_1_poster_02tumblr_mkc23eGzcR1rv1rcuo1_1280It’s THE punk zombie film.
It was originally cast with real punks in the roles, (which seems like a great idea to all the purist punks out there, but is obviously a bad idea for several reasons I don’t even need to go into here). But as a movie, it is defiant, bold, and makes its own rules, which probably sounds like some terrible slogan for some late 80′s Feldman or Haim movie, or a dish washer detergent, but it’s true. Have a view at some rules it makes and breaks:
First of all, the movie is probably one of the only sequels to refer to the movie it’s a sequel to (I have to mention the other that springs to mind, but I don’t want to, because it’s Human Centipede 2. Again, I’m sorry. Hey, Wes Craven’s New Nightmare does it too! So, there’s one that doesn’t include poop eating). However, they get the year NotLD came out wrong, which I still don’t know what that’s about (“You mean the movie lied?!), and they say the movie was totally different than the original events that inspired it. Hey, how about a Return TO the Living Dead prequel? Showing the events that inspired the first movie? Eh? Wait, why am I pitching this to YOU? That’s my idea, and I’ll sue all of you if you try to steal it! Especially YOU. No no, not you, the person behind you. The one with the knife OMG…
*ahem*
Second of all, or rather, in an essay style list of facts (I’m sorry) we’ve got the new zombie rules, and they aren’t a tiptoe through the tulips:

1) 245 Trioxin. It makes corpses come to life, and it’s some potent stuff. Works best in rain.rotld 1
2) You cannot kill these zombies. Destroy the brain, cut off the head, dismember the body, it’s still not dead. But you probably will be soon.

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3) Zombies eat brains. Brains are like drugs to these guys. Now, I believe they also eat flesh, what with the brain not being that big of an organ, but they want brains. That’s the good part. They’ll eat your flesh, but they’re aiming for your brains.rotld 34) If you are among the living, and you are exposed to Trioxin, either through gas or liquid or through a bite, you will die and become a zombie. Ok, ok, settle down now, you’re right. No, Scuz and Suicide don’t come back after being bitten, but that is a mistake on their part. Or maybe people with punk rock hair are morebrains3bigimmune, whatever (don’t make me bring up Dr. Logan dying in Day of the Dead without a gunshot wound to the head and not coming back. Oh, I did anyway.). My point is that a gun shot to the head isn’t gonna help. You’re gonna need a bigger boat, I mean gun, or bullet rather.

And that’s how the corpsey crumbles.

Also check out More Brains! A Return to the Living Dead (Hey, that title was my idea damn it! 917fyhLYZzL._SL1500_Lawsuit!) a great 2 hour documentary for any Return fan who wants to just revel in the film for longer than the film’s actual length. My one peeve, and this is for behind-the-scenes docs in general, is when producers who were not creatively involved start telling you what they did and didn’t like on what they accomplished. Shut Up. You ate well and did nothing. Ugh, sorry to end on a down note there.
So we hope you had a happy 3rd of July everybody! And let’s keep that spousal brain eating to a minimum this weekend, ok?

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Beijing Horror Film Society

mmexport1398180278763Now this sequence of events may sound outlandish to you, but should you find yourself in Beijing, China… on a Monday… near a cool little venue called the “69 Cafe”, you may want to wonder in and discover what the Beijing Horror Film Society is all about. Former horror movie reviewer turned horror host, Jigsaw Jim, presents Monstrous Mondays at 9pm weekly. They show horror flicks and live music and it sounds like a total blast! The appreciation for Horror movies is International, and Horror Hosts are sprouting up all over the world. Nigel Honeybone from Sydney, Australia, Bunny Galore in the UK, and now Jigsaw Jim all the way in Beijing! How cool!

HorrorMovie_72DpiWe love hearing from Horror Fans from all over the world! Do you have a favorite horror host outside of the US? Let us know about them!

Nuke Nova: World Gone Wild

by Fred FrederickApocalypse Wow

world gone wild media vhs adWorld Gone Wild is a perfect piece of Eighties sci-fi pie. In fact, it’s one of my favorites, and you’re already wrong for not feeling the same way. What? You’ve never even heard of it? Don’t worry, I expect to convert you all into rabid fans by the end.

In the Eighties, we got a bunch of Star Wars copycats and wannabes, like Battle Beyond the Stars and Krull, and they all have the same story. There’s a bad guy who invades, good guys who can’t stop him, the good guys need help to stop the bad guys, and so they call in some questionable characters. These movies are mostly about obtaining that help from a bunch of Warrior-of-the-Lost-Worldmiscreants who live in the gray area between saint and sinner. Then you have another Eighties trope, the post-nuclear apocalyptic future with Mad Max as it’s Han Solo type anti-hero, and no actual hero anywhere in sight. From there, we had a bunch of knock-offs, like Warrior in a Lost World where talking motorcycles and cars with spikes fill a dying world of mutants and 80s inspired punk fashionistas. It may not be the future mankind wants, but this is the future mankind actually deserves, not like in Star Trek where nerds get laid and inherit the Earth.

 

Visitour Post Apocalyptic Sister Site NukeNova.com
Andread the full article by Fred Frederick about World Gone Wild!WGW

A Witch’s Best Friend Is a Werewolf – Rest In Peace Magoo Gelehrter

GarouthinkerWe express our deepest condolences to the friends, family and fans of our beloved colleague Magoo Gelehrter–the smiling face behind the beloved werewolf Garou from the cult TV program PENNY DREADFUL’S SHILLING SHOCKERS.

Dixie and Mr. Lobo, here on our Horror Host and Creature Features website, did an article a while back about the fund raiser to help pay their enormous medical expenses.
With wolf-man like strength this man has been fighting for his life. He had been unable to work due to the pain and the strength it took to fight and cope with chemotherapy and the side effects. They were struggling to make ends meet as their insurance did not cover all of their medical expenses. This may come as a big surprise to fans but most Horror Hosts do not make a lot of money–Elvira is the 1%.
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We have recently got word that Magoo’s fight is over and we already miss him.
For those of you who haven’t seen Penny Dreadful’s Shilling Shockers. It’s a truely great piece of horror hosting and Mr. Lobo and Dixie are fans. Garou is the werewolf husband, henchbeast and “snarling darling” of Penny Dreadful. He is the very embodiment of feral, unbridled energy and enthusiasm.
As the story goes, One night, Garou discovered the mysterious portrait of Penny Dreadful. The werewolf fell madly in love with the witch’s painting, and howled mournfully at the moon every night after finding it. After much searching, Garou learned of a forbidden rite. He proceeded to initiate the strange ritual and his actions resulted in Dreadful’s return from the beyond. It was love at first fright.

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Unconventional conventionists: Haunters Recap and Looking Forward to Bizarre AC

IMG_4599Dixie Dellamorto and Mr. Lobo had a great time at the National Haunters Convention this past weekend. You could tell they worked hard to make it even better this year. They made it smaller and tightened it up quite a bit. They had some very decent performers on stage and the crowd was great. It seemed like there was more of a focus on artists, and above all, we had a boatload of fun seeing our friends and fans! We were very excited to spend some time with Gravely MacCabre from Castle Blood.

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Join us at the Halloween Show!

Halloween ShowA Show Floor Pass is good for the entire event of the Show. The All New LOWER Show floor price is only $15. In addition, a Family Friendly expanded policy of FREE entrance for kids 12 and under! This Includes entrance to the show, access to all vendors (Including Horror Hosts and Creature Features own Mr. Lobo and Dixie Dellamorto), access to our public stage classes, as well as all the professional entertainment stage show events produced by John Bundy (Wacky Dracky) of Six Flags Great Adventure, Trump Plaza in Atlantic City and Ocean’s Park of Hong Kong.

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Creepy Crafters: Laugh Clown Laugh

creepy craftersCaptain_Spaulding's_Museum_of_Monsters_and_MadmenHowdy Folks, Dixie Dellamorto here with another installment of Creepy Crafters and Handmade Thing Makers! This time we’re going to focus on one of my favorite exploitation legends, Sid Haig… More specifically his character Captain Spaulding from the popular Rob Zombie films House of 1000 Corpses and The Devil’s Rejects.

Each item was selected from members of the Etsy Massacre Team!

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Tasty review by Lunchmeat of our VHS Secret Stash Boxes!

VHS is Happiness

Stash Box Edward ALunchmeat, an independently printed magazine that celebrates the obscure and esoteric in cinema, has done a nice write up on their Blog about our VHS Secret Stash Boxes! Lunchmeat has a central focus on the wonderful and weird world of the VHS format, publishing reviews of hard-to-find VHS tapes, interviews and articles featuring actors, directors and other creative personalities, along with lots of fun features on all things bizarre residing in the fantastic world of under-appreciated cinema.
Be sure to check them out — They’re our kind of people!

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It’s all about the Hamiltons’, baby.

 

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They’ve also got some rad items over at the “Meat Market” for you Tapeworms: including but not limited to Magazines, Bags, Stickers, New VHS releases, A fan Club Kit, and Killer T-Shirts!