I recall being brought into the office of the principal at the Catholic School I attended as a child. If I remember correctly I don’t think I was any older than maybe six or seven. Now I was normally a well behaved one until my interests started leaking in to my school life. My parents remember the calls from the nuns, “Do you know your son has seen films with titles such as ‘LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT,’ ‘DAWN OF THE DEAD,’ and ‘BLOOD FEAST’?” “Yeah, we rented them for him,” was their usual reply. But this time it was different. I was caught red-handed with one of the various horror magazines I read when I probably should’ve been reading the Bible. You know the magazines, the ones that are a cheesy off-shoot of another mainstream one in which they rarely carry images of gore and focus more on the good old days of cinema sleaze. The cover itself got me on the nuns’ “watchlist.” At that age and with all the late night TV viewing, ELVIRA was one of my all-time favorites. She adorned the cover of the magazine in question like no other and it was due to what she wasn’t wearing that got me an unhealthy punishment of a few ‘Hail Marys’ and ‘Our Fathers’.
I cannot even begin to discuss how irritating it is to see people wear the same article of clothing over and over. (I’m a fashion Fascist, remember?) Yes, we know it’s your signature but mix it up a bit. This is not the case when I speak of the Mistress of the Dark herself. How bitchin’ can one look wearing the same little black dress for more than twenty years? Not to mention her hair that would make any woman, or man for that case, have to go through at least two whole cans of hairspray to even begin to reach such great heights. And talk about marketability. This lovely lady had the number one selling Halloween costume for years when it came to women of all ages picking out theirs during the season.
Going back to the dress, it’s truly gorgeous with its rips and tears and missing bits. What was seen as deliciously camp or trash when she began is now more than ever haute couture. Think I’m kidding? Look at the clothing line Comme Des Garcons in which a blazer alone will run you over a grand when in fact it looks as if they snatched most of their clothing line out of the reject pile at the Salvation Army.
(There, what was Salvation Army is now “Salvation Armani.”)
Ever see ELVIRA’s heels? Well, if you are so inclined as to remove your gaze from her chest to her feet you’ll notice a pair of patent leather high heels that I think I’ve seen on some of my favorite Trannies and Drag Queens. No, that’s not an insult. That’s me giving one hell of a compliment.