CAREERS THAT PAY FOR HORROR HOSTS
By Mr. Lobo
It’s tough to be a horror host-no question. It never was a fool proof get rich quick scheme by any stretch of the imagination. It is, however, the most fun job in the world and the cost of that is everyone who ever tries it–never wants to quit and everyone who sees a horror host in action wants to be one.
Because of the decline of local broadcast and terrestrial TV, a lot more serious horror fans with no sense of humor, budget cuts for Public Access, shrinking budgets of TV stations and networks, tighter licensing and copyright restrictions on films, high cost of decent capes and make up, and a rise of DIY hosts who do the work for free, all contribute to a rough, competitive job market and hard times for so-called professional Horror Hosts.
People ask Mr. Lobo all the time for advice. I Even get emails from long time veterans who are considering calling it quits, or worse–getting a day job. There are a few careers that make good money that may allow you to perpetuate your character until the market for Horror Host booms again.
Super Villain: Hold the world hostage or steal the world’s biggest laser! This is a job that pays well and will earn you respect from your loyal goons.
Dominatrix: Chances are you already have a dungeon, black lipstick and and high heels. Why hot give a weathy businessman his own personal horror show.
Drug Dealer: Surrounded by losers who are up all night watching terrible movies? This job may be an easy transition.
Sign Spinner: You already wear a stupid outfit and beg for attention. Standing on the side of a busy street with a sign and a foam Statue of Liberty crown could earn as much as $12 an hour.
Professional Wrestler: Vampires and Mad Scientists aren’t real either. Shout into a microphone and use your horror themed character to threaten opponents and charm the low-brow sports world.
Bouncer: Use your intimidating presence and people skills to throw underage kids out of a Goth club and accept juicy bribes from scenesters.
Toll Booth Worker: You may have to trim your fingernails–But you can stand there and riff on each car that goes by.
Walmart Night Shift Associate: Not great pay. But it’s pretty clear that you don’t need any special skills and they don’t care what you look like.
Artist: Face it. That’s what you are. You look like a weirdo and you know where the good coffee is. If you weren’t motivated by creating art–it would be easy to pursue something more financially stable.
And these are just off the top of my head. Mr. Lobo must admit, looking at this list now…it’s pretty enticing. They say a smart business man always has an exit strategy…but “smarts” was never my best subject. If you’re a struggling host, you are not alone. Here’s hoping a Horror Host “head hunter” finds you and puts you to work!