Letters to the Head-Eater

Dear HHCF,

I just had to write to you and say how much I truly enjoyed the first issue of your magazine. Horror Hosts and Creature Features came along at just the right time in my life. For months, whenever I’d tell my friends that my new found dream was to become a horror host they looked at me like I had two heads. To be fair, that’s because I did (darn that Dr. Suzuki!), but after getting the second one removed they still looked at me funny and that’s when I realized that the general public had no idea what a horror host even was! I myself grew up with Stuff like Elvira, Tales from the Crypt, and Mystery Science Theater 3000, so I knew they were out there. Still, I started to doubt myself. I started to think maybe that’s all there was. Maybe I was living in a fantasy world where only a handful of horror hosts existed. All that thinking changed when I got on Facebook, however, and found a whole underground subculture full of gorgeous ghouls and ghastly guys dedicated to bad movies and cheesy puns as much as I was. Then came your magazine! I’m rambling a little, so let me just close by saying I think what you’re doing with HHCF is a great thing for the horror host community and horror fans alike. Keep up the good work. I can’t wait to feast my eyes on issue two.

– Ryan B

Greetings Ryan,

As a horror host and the publisher of Horror Hosts and Creature Features, we appreciate and completely sympathize with your thoughts. We live in an exciting time where horror host fans get to share their favorites and it is created a “New Genre” that was always there. We hoped that someone else was going to report on this exciting new sub-culture exclusively and after waiting and waiting, we realized that the word was not getting out. Thank you so much for picking up our message in a bottle! You have a great couple of heads on your shoulders and we invite you to join the fun!

Your Host,
Mr. Lobo

P.S. We stole your joke for the title of this post — Thanks!

Dear Miss Dellamorto,

i can only classify you with fictional, cartoonishly-evil characters such as Voldemort.
i had previously enjoyed the thought that sadism in todays world was a strictly sexual and controlled process. Sadly ive learned that people such as yourself are capable of raping and battering the souls of others without thought or mercy in a way i can most closely liken to adolf hitler. im probably white noise in a cloud of hate mail. But in the case that im not, i hope you can sleep knowing what you did. not many could.

Your friend,
Zach P

Thanks for writing Zack,

I was excited to receive my first piece of hate mail! I’m glad you can only classify me with “FICTIONAL, cartoonishly-evil characters”, like “Voldermort” and…. “ADOLF HITLER”. I find that when one plays the ‘Nazi Card’, they often don’t actually have a relevant argument…. and come to think of it, what was the point of this outcry? Since we didn’t do any hate mongering in the first issue of the magazine, I can only assume that we managed to forget your favorite host — or perhaps you’re an Addams Family Fan! Either way, I don’t think I’ll be losing any sleep over it. Maybe next time, Pal!

Hugs and Kisses,
Dixie Dellamorto

Greetings my friends,

An important issue It has come to my attention. A host posted a link to a youtube film, I believe it was Fulci’s Zombie. Another Host raved on about “unwritten rules” of Horror Hosting and legal and illegal uses of links. I thought that this would make a great topic for your magazine — Help for selecting movies for their shows. I would like to know how to find movies that are legal to use. Also, are there “unwritten rules” to hosting?
I for one would love to see them in print
A “Horror Host for Dummies”!

Your Fiend,
Bobby Gammonster-Internet Horror Host

Greethings Mr. Gammonster-Internet Horror Host,

Rights issues are always an issue when it comes to most modern Horror Hosts — that is to say, ones that are not supported by a television station, a network, or other outlet that controls their own body of films. Even though it is bad form to play ignorant of licensing issues, it’s also a bit tacky to police your fellow horror hosts in public forums. If there are truly “unwritten rules” than how would anyone know what they did wrong until they got chewed-out? A good suggestion for finding out copyright status of a film is to check the Library of Congress. This the best source to check ownership, but you have to look the films up individually. Also keep in mind that a film can be copyrighted without being registered all foreign films have been reverted to their original copyright owners, so be careful! We will be covering licensing issues, fair-use, and public domain in future installments of Horror Hosts and Creature Features, so stay tuned!

Your Host,
Mr. Lobo