Yesterday we posted about Devin Cönnörs’ and Myles Arden’s 31 days of Halloween music project and shared their first volume of the season, SCORE RETURNS. Today is the second of October, so it’s the second day of mixes — FULL MOON: THE CURSE. To download the mix CLICK HERE and Follow their Tumblr for future mixes and Halloween inspired content!
They have done it again! For all 31 Days In October Devin Cönnörs and Myles Arden post One 10 track volume of Halloween Music to keep your addiction thriving & strong! They cover every music style — no genre is denied entry from these compilations! Today is the first of October, so it’s the first day of mixes —SCORE RETURNS. To download the mix CLICK HERE and Follow their Tumblr for future mixes and Halloween inspired content!
While we were setting up at a convention recently I noticed a rather large decal on the back of another vender’s truck that read “LOST BOYS DON’T SPARKLE”… Which perplexed me because I was pretty sure no one even cared about Twilight anymore… Then I saw another couple of memes posted on social media and learned that, apparently, it’s still an issue…
So, in an effort to educate the pop-culture ignorant, I present you you and article I wrote:
(Two years ago… when it was still relevant)
I want to start out by saying The Lost Boys is one of my favorite movies.
But lets take a minute to think about this film in depth.
Michael Emerson (yeah, the guy from Solarbabies) and his younger brother, Sam (The late Teen-Idol, Corey Haim), move with their recently divorced mother, Lucy, to a beach community in California. Sam decorates his room like a 12 year old girl complete with a sexy poster of Rob Lowe. The brothers begin hanging out on the Boardwalk, which is inhabited by punks and mysterious smooth young boys with Aqua Net encrusted hair and excessively long eyelashes — Not to mention the concerts featuring oiled down muscle men with silky hair playing saxophones like rugged manly men. We’re introduced to David (The super dreamy Kiefer Sutherland). David is the almost angelic and statuesque leader of a local gang. Meanwhile, Sam buddies up brothers Edgar and Alan Frog, a pair of self-proclaimed vampire hunters, who give him horror comics to teach him about young romance… er I mean vampires.
Michael is approached by David, who uses his bedroom eyes to convince him to follow them by motorcycle down the beach until they reach a dangerous cliff. At the gang’s cushy clubhouse David initiates Michael into the group, having him drink from a bottle of wine. The next day, Michael develops a thirst for blood and Mascara.
This initiates some zany vampire slaying antics including steaking Ted from “Bill and Ted” who explodes with glistening glittery blood. Everyone leaves the clubhouse covered in glitter. Sparkly blood. Once more, when the vampires die, they bleed glitter. Um…. need I go on?
I’ve never seen Twilight but attacking it using The Lost Boys is about as effective as using, say, the 80’s boy band New Kids on the Block to attack the newest flavor of the month One Direction… IT’S THE SAME THING.In our case it’s a bunch of sexy, effeminate, romantic vampires being marketed at teenaged girls while ignoring traditional vampire tropes and creating new ones. If you’re not interested in a romantic vampire movie made for young women, don’t watch Twilight, but you’re no better for watching The Lost Boys.
In most cases we’re dealing with is people not so much arguing about quality of movies but jumping on a bandwagon and having these imaginary arguments about apples and oranges, and in this case it’s apples and slightly older apples.
What we all must try and remember that it’s just as pretentious to hate something because it’s popular as it is to like it because it’s popular. Goodnight Ladies and Gentlemen and even gentler men… er… vampires?
Can we just agree that there is more studly vampirism in Bill Paxton’s diastema than there is in all of these boy’s fangs put together? Because, if you’re looking for the ultimate violent and macho vampire flick that you can watch on date night, you need look no further than NEAR DARK.
Since I am a glutton for punishment, I put together a small gallery of some other memes I found after a 2 minute google search. You’re welcome.
No, we haven’t been abducted by aliens (as far as we know), but we have been training for an intergalactic mission of epic proportions! Who is looking out to make YOUR entertainment universe better? We are!
On the programming schedule, you can look forward to 13 New episodes of CINEMA INSOMNIA with MR. LOBO,
24 “Lost” First Season Episodes of CINEMA INSOMNIA,
SLEAZY P. MARTINI of the band GWAR in an original late night program called SLEAZY PICTURES AFTER DARK,
Never before seen episodes of MONSTER MADHOUSE with KARLOS BORLOFF, Classic CULT MOVIES TV episodes based on the wonderful mag from the 90’s, New episodes of CRISWELL PREDICTS!, Franken-brother of Mr. Lobo, ERIC MILLER’s MIDNIGHT FRIGHTS with SPOTSWOODE, Veteran animator CRAIG CLARK’s KUSTOMONSTERS cartoon show on our Saturday Morning line up, London Burly-Q sensation BUNNY GALORE’s soap PANTRY MANOR, Classic MONSTER CREATURE FEATURE episodes and the premiere of ORMON GRIMSBY’s All New Program THE ORMON GRIMSBY SHOW, the Publisher of PARANOIA MAGAZINE, OLAV PHILLIPS is curating or SECRET SUNDAYS block of Mysteries and Conspiracies, OSI original Cold War Sci-Fi program with model JESSE SEEHERMAN as space babe COSMONAUTI–UTOPIA FANTASTIKA, A Night Flight inspired overnight extravaganza of films music videos and more called 12:01 BEYOND, Plus, Outrageous shorts and acclaimed Indy Films…all on your New New Favorite channel OSI 74. Check out OSI74.com!!! ALL SYSTEMS GO!
Please collect and share these promo images with no mercy!
–by MR. LOBO of CINEMA INSOMNIA
SIR CHRISTOPHER LEE arrived in the kingdom of infinity looking well. He is obviously enjoying his vacation after a lifetime of intense work entertaining us fans of Fantastika in classic Hammer Horror films like THE CURSE OF FRANKENSTEIN(1957), HORROR OF DRACULA(1958), and THE MUMMY(1959) and Summer block-busters from the STAR WARS and LORD OF THE RINGS film franchises. He even played WILLY WONKA‘s father in the TIM BURTON film, CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY(2005). And Misunderstood Movie fans will remember his roles in POLICE ACADEMY 7: MISSION TO MOSCOW(1994) and the big budget comedy bomb 1941(1979).
Whitout a doubt, LEE is best loved as DRACULA, as he played the dark vampire prince in a number of sequels up into the early 1970s. However, he played many other iconic characters, co-starring in THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES(1959), and made numerous “non-PC” appearances as FU MANCHU before that was a thing. And who could forget THE PRIVATE LIFE OF SHERLOCK HOMES(1970), THE THREE MUSKETEERS(1973), and Bond film MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN(1974). Lee appeared on the San Francisco Bay Area TV show CREATURE FEATURES to promote that film and was first interviewed by the host of that show, MR. LOBO’s mentor, BOB WILKINS.
“SIR” BOB and SIR CHRISTOPHER met again today on a cloud of star-stuff that quickly formed itself into a facsimile of a TV Studio.
Bob puffed his cigar and told him how much he would be missed down on earth by us Creature Feature fans and movie fans in general. Mr. Lee was tickled when Bob informed him that CINEMA INSOMNIA is celebrating Mummy month and that we have been sharing many images of him as KHARIS THE MUMMY all over the internet. MR. LOBO will even be presenting HORROR HOTEL AKA CITY OF THE DEAD as part of the new CINEMA INSOMNIA season coming this fall on OSI 74. Bob presented Lee with an original tribute Count Dracula drawing by CI fan and artist DAVID HARDY. He smiled at all the praise and gracefully shook his head.
He then reminded Bob that he would never play DRACULA again. But of course, he doesn’t have to…DRACULA IS FOREVER. CREATURE FEATURES ARE FOREVER. Thank you, SIR CHRISTOPHER LEE for all your fine work. We miss you already! We still miss you, too, Bob!
3-D Pictures by Scott Moon!
They saw him several times, he cut in something like 12 times. Finally a bug came up for a split second which said “WNBC-TV New York 4”. Any New Yorkers know who this guy is? Looks like it’s from the late 80’s or early 90’s. Here he is looking “cool”:
Better Viewing Through Cosmic Cognizance By Fred E. Frederick
(a.k.a. Cosmic Charlie)
Cosmic (Fred Frederick) Charlie here, continuing to participate in the Cinema Insomnia ‘March of the Dolls” doll themed month of march! Today’s film, Dolls! Directed by Stuart Gordon, who you should already know from his amazing work in the horror genre, like Re-Animator, which came out the same year that this movie was made, even though this movie didn’t come out ‘til two years later. Also involved was producer Charles Band, who would go on to helm Full Moon Entertainment, and producer Brian Yuzna, who you should also already know from Re-Animator, unless you’re some sort of not-nerd, in which case, good for you, not wasting your life away on silly bits of information about movies that no one likes. Now, shut your mouth and keep reading! One of us! One of us! Mwwahahahahaha!!!!
Dolls is the story of when a little girl has stupid parents and they happen to get stranded near an old house that houses old people. One of those old people you might recognize as Guy Rolfe, who later found fame in the third installment of the Puppet Master series as the complicated creator of the puppets, and made people want to see more, and why we’re now up to number ten in their sequels. He appears in Dolls as an ironically similar character, controlling a bunch of murderous dolls, which, I hope that’s not a spoiler for you, cause if you’re watching a horror movie called Dolls, you should probably have figured out by now that this ain’t about Barbie™. So, getting back to Dolls, for about a second, because it reminds me a bit of Nothing But Trouble, the Dan Akroyd movie with Chevy Chase and Demi Moore that you either know and love, or don’t know and probably wouldn’t understand. Point being, if you have car trouble in the middle of nowhere, you might as well jump off a cliff, because unless you’re a pure of heart child, and not a scummy adult/lawyer person, you’re probably not going to find anyone who’s going to help you, and they’re either gonna strip you into bones, or turn you into murderous dolls. Maybe
So besides the little girl’s stupid parents, there’s also a nice fat guy, Ralph (he’s Officer Duffy in Robocop2!) who is giving two punk girls a ride, who both turn out to not be so nice, because even alternative thinking and interesting looking people can be judgemental dicks sometimes. Needless to say, because it’s a horror movie, things don’t go well for the nefarious females, and one of those things I said in the last sentence of that last paragraph happens to them, but I’ll let you figure that out. So the fat guy helps the little girl search for the missing girls (or does she help him?) … (yes. yes she does) and she ends up having to convince the murderous dolls to spare his life. Unfortunately, the dolls have already killed some other people, and certain other people think that other people killed those other people, so other people want revenge on other people, and Judy is stuck in the middle. What? Judy! The little girl! Did I not mention her name was Judy? Well it is. SPOILER!
It’s a great little horror movie that has the Stephen King feel to it where the children are the saviors of our tormented human souls, pretty much literally in this case. It somehow ends happily, with everything tied up in a neat little package so the little girl can go on and live a happy and perfect life without even having to know that her dad and step-mother’s souls are trapped in dolls that murder and enslave other bad parents for not raising their children right. What a paradise that must be. Or, some sort of horrifying movie. A ‘horror’ movie, if you will.
I feel like I should start actually drawing these hypothetical pinball machines I keep dreaming up. It’s always just taking an already existing machine and imagining the movie’s theme plastered on it and thus creating a kind of storyline following gameplay rather than all this bumping and flipping pointlessly nonsense. I always try to get a machine from around the same era, and in this case, since the movie was made in 85 (though not released til 87) I’m going with the 1986 machine ‘Hollywood Heat’, which, with its horrendous Miami Vice rip off artwork, should be obvious why I’d prefer some murderous dolls painted all over it. Also, in some bizarre way, I feel like the gameplay would be somehow fitting to the storyline. I dunno, take a look and decide for yourselves.
Better Viewing Through Cosmic Cognizance By Fred E. Frederick
(a.k.a. Cosmic Charlie)
Another Fred ‘Cosmic Charlie’ Frederick original here. Now to conquer the first
installment in what can be considered one of the all time greatest collections of hits and misses of sequels in film history, Puppet Master. Not as easy to calculate as the Paramount Star Trek movies (odds=bad, evens=good), but still a debatable line of good and bad that separates fans and haters alike. Though the third movie is widely considered to be the best of the now ten parts series, the first two aren’t without their merits. I’ll be focusing on the first film here, but don’t go far, cause I’ll be sure to hit up the other installments soon enough, despite their varying horridity and disregarding of different story elements .
We open with William Hickey as Andre Toulan in 1939, who becomes the antagonist and then protagonist of later films, as well as being played by a different actor. Hickey you will recognize from many films, but to me, he’s the grandfather from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation as well as the drunk in the bar in Mel Brook’s The Producers from 1968. We don’t see much of William, as he never appears after the opening scene. Same with a puppet credited as Shredder Khan, who doesn’t appear in the rest of the film, or ever again in any other films! I bring that up because I saw these movies out of order, and this film is actually the last one I got my hands on, so part of me was flabbergasted by this introductory puppet who I’d never seen before! I seriously want a new Puppet Master movie “The Legend Of Shredder Khan” because of how intriguing this lack of development is to me. The other puppet we meet to start off with is Blade, who is pretty much the star of the whole series, and whose origin is properly explained in the third film. Watch for the bullets in his eyes that pop out on occasion, as I believe the mechanism that did that broke after this film and was thus never used again in the sequels.
So we flash forward 50 years to 1989, where a bunch of psychics have been summoned to this mysterious hotel by a former colleague who they all assume has discovered Toulan’s secret of bringing inanimate objects to life, as well as resurrecting the dead. Despite having, or perhaps because of, terrifying dreams and premonitions about horrid goings ons at the hotel, they all show up only to find out their friend has bit the big one, but not before taking a wife, who everyone is a little skeptical of. So we see a bunch more crazy psychic stuff that puts the film in a fantasy realm and properly allows us to disconnect it from our mostly scientifically sound world.
Not wanting to give the rest of the plot away, I wanna tell you about a funny thing that happened with horror movies at some point in the mid eighties and continuing heavily into the nineties. The inclination to find the horrifying killers of the film, such as Freddy or Jason, to be enjoyable and almost cute, and instead make the victim characters into unlikeable jerks so we’re happy when we see our villain/hero(s) do them in. Such is the case in the puppet master movies, with what can be very creepy dolls, also being able to steal the scene and be far more interesting and empathy invoking characters. It’s not just them being cool looking dolls, but as puppets, they are slaves to a master, and thus can have the blame taken away from their actions. As well as the fact that they’re the only recurring characters throughout the series and allow us to follow their evolution, across the fractured timeline of the canonically-ignorant series.
So while the film operates on its own without a need of the puppets, their appearance, and obeying their master, and killing, provide the meat of the film and an awesome ending to what could have been a boring movie about psychics. You get the feeling that somebody merged two scripts, but it’s not distracting or hindering to the enjoyment of what you already know is a B-level film. It does make you wonder why Toulan wouldn’t have used his resurrection on himself. Well… maybe you’ll get the answer to that in another review, or maybe you should go rent/buy all ten movies and binge watch them so you can solve that mystery for yourself. Oh, and as for the kind of pinball machine this movie, combined with all the others, would make? Quite possibly the greatest horror themed pinball machine of all time. I can’t even begin to theorize all the features such a machine would posses. Dear god, you’d need a feature for every puppet, and probably more than could fit on a machine but still satisfy my need to include all the elements of the series. Oh man, I’m gonna have to think about this one, I’ll try not to drool too much.
Better Viewing Through Cosmic Cognizance By Fred E. Frederick
(a.k.a. Cosmic Charlie)
Freddy Von Frederick here (Cosmic Charlie incarnate) with a review of one of the biggest little movies of all time, Dollman. A Sci-Fi/Horror/Action flick from the people at Full Moon Entertainment, another film where size doesn’t matter when it comes to kicking ass. Instead of puppets or toys being our little terrors, we get a cop with an attitude who’s from another planet, Brick Bardo (Tim Thomerson). Nothing very alien about this alien, besides his awesome laser gun, and the fact that he’s 13 inches tall, but other than that, he’s no different than a Tom Atkins or Dirty Harry type cop who’s ready to kick butts and and chew bubble gum, but who’s all out of bubblegum.
We start off on the little guy’s home planet and get to see some bad ass Demolition Man style handling of a hostage situation, as well as some hilarious dialogue about laundry and fat ladies. After we get the tone set from that small scene, we’re introduced to the main villain of the film, Sprug, but more on him later. We then take a spaceship flight through some sort of vortex and to a pale blue dot we call Earth. The situation enlarges as our hero encounters some Terran punks who are about 10 times his size, but luckily, lasers still do damage even if they’re from an inch long gun. From that point the movie kinda gets confused as to what it is.
We’re introduced to a hispanic woman, Debi, trying to make her neighborhood in the Bronx safe again by ridding it of the drug dealing gangs while she’s also raising a little boy. It’s a great emotional story that hooks you in, but I dunno if I really wanted this level of realism and heartbreaking hardship from a movie about a laser shooting doll sized cop. Don’t get me wrong, our female lead does a great acting job, and her interaction with our titular character as well as her son’s interest in this action figure sized man is interesting and entertaining, but I feel like they do too good of a job bringing you into a reality, that it feels awkward to accept the rest of the story.
Can’t forget to mention the practically immaculate Jackie Early Haley (it’s not his fault he wasn’t Robert Englund, so I’ll let the Nightmare On Elm Street remake slide) as Braxton Red. Jackie shines in such movies as The Bad News Bears and Watchmen and shows the same kind of completely convincing acting for a punk ass kid that we’ve come to love about him. I can’t say enough about how pathetic and unconvincing almost every street level punk in cheap horror films tend to be, and how that annoys me so immensely, but Jackie nails it. He’s scary enough that you wouldn’t want to meet him in an alley, but Bart Simpsony enough to make you kinda wanna join his gang. He runs the show in his part of town, but keeps Debi safe out of some misplaced affection. It’s his out-of-line gang members that Bardo shoots when he first lands and encounters them about to set Debi on fire, despite Braxton’s wishes.
So back to Sprug, a hideous looking head on a messed up hover car, who Braxton discovers in his little ship and befriends after being offered a special ubber-bomb of alien design, which, is kinda weird, but, necessary for the plot, so we just go with it. Braxton and his men go after this guy they’ve come to refer to as Dollman, and get the bad end of a big stick, or gun. Does that analogy work? I don’t care, cause I’m tired and it’s 2:30 pm and I have no excuse for the yawning that’s going on with me right now. So where was I? Oh yeah, Braxton(Jackie) makes it back to his place, but in bad shape, until he cuts a deal with Sprug, who heals him, and then tries to claim mastery over Braxton, but when you’re only inches tall, and only a head, I wouldn’t suggest making demands of New York gang members, ‘cause it’s not gonna go well. So more stuff happens and things blow up and believe it or not, the good guys win. SPOILER!
All in all, a very fun film that should be required viewing for anyone trying to make a cheap sci-fi/horror adventure, or anyone who loves dolls. Like I said before, I’m not so sure about the whole harrowing heroine in the Bronx story, even though it’s done perfectly, I just didn’t feel like it was what I signed up for when I bought a movie called Dollman. It’s also not a theme you would want in a pinball machine. Or I dunno, maybe a “The Bronx” pinball machine with Multiball gangbanging and Orbit Shots to back alley murders with Pop Bumper rumbles and Trapdoor street rapes. Orrr not.
Better Viewing Through Cosmic Cognizance By Fred E. Frederick
(a.k.a. Cosmic Charlie)
Gooooooood morning Vietnam, and the rest of the world. Freddy Fred Frederick here, with a review of the proto-slasher classic known as The Town That Dreaded Sundown. The 1976 one, not the 2014 remake, which should just go without saying, but I said it anyways. The film is one of those “based on a true story” deals, where the names of people and places were changed to protect the innocent. The events it’s based off took place in texas in the 40s, by a murderer known as ‘the Phantom Killer’, but if you didn’t know that, you might assume that the movie is based on the Zodiac killer who’s spree ended only a few years before the creation of this movie and is very similar in it’s events and and the killer’s executions of his executions.
It’s not a gore filled frightfest like you get from movies like The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, which came out two years prior, but instead seems more like an episode of Law & Order with a very serious narration that also adds a clinical feel to the events and makes them easier to deal with as it comes across more like cold and hard facts rather than experiencing the emotional turmoil of the victims. Not that it isn’t without its terrifying parts, but if it weren’t based on a true story, you’d probably think the writers were lazier than people who use remotes for their air conditioners. It’s full of the cliché about teenagers at make out point getting their comeuppance from a sexually frustrated man in a stupid mask, but with a whole lot less flair than we’re used to seeing from this killer’s 80’s era successors.
Instead of following a group of stupid kids around and betting on who will be next, and what will be left of them, this movie is about the whole town and how it reacts to the fear of a masked killer on the loose. Gun sales go through the roof, which, it being Texas, is either surprising that these people aren’t already armed to the teeth, or not surprising because buying a new gun is like getting a fresh loaf of bread to these people. Not that this deters the killer, who’s rampage continues because teenagers just can’t stop making out in cars in secluded locations. See parents, this is what happens when you don’t let your daughter close her door when she has boys over. So kids, next time your parents tell you they don’t want you having a baby, just ask them if they’d rather you be brutally murdered by a man wearing a pillow case on his head. It’s one or the other folks. Or both.
As it turns out though, not just good people can buy guns, and windows can be seen through from both sides, and the side that’s well lit is probably easier to observe and thus aim a gun at. Also, if someone asks you if they heard something outside, you might want to start making peace with your god, cause, you know. So after actions that I just alluded to take place, the whole town decides to board up their windows, because if there’s anything psychotic killers can’t stand, it’s wood. Also, why is it that anytime someone starts assaulting and murdering horny teenagers while wearing a mask, people always assume it’s a white male? That’s discrimination people, and I thought we were better than this. Why couldn’t it be a chinese toddler, or how about a purple octogenarian? Huh? HUH? Tell me that America! Or should I say, CANADA! No wait, I am in America. Ok, nevermind, sorry about that.
The film closes with the killer never being caught, and leaving us all wondering if he’s still out there now, even though he has most certainly died from old age at this point, unless killing all those young kids gives him special powers of immortality. Hrmmm, makes you think doesn’t it? Or maybe you’ve already moved on to thinking about what kind of pinball machine this movie would make? Well, since it’s from 1976, it would have to be one of the more dull machines, like Jive Time, that’s just a bunch of stationary crap that doesn’t do anything special other than give you a few buzzes and bings, much like the movie itself. But perhaps you like your leisurely pursuits to be more straightforward and without all the bells and whistles, in which case, you go have fun eating some rice cakes and watching C-SPAN, Mister Borey McBorington the third.